It struck me yesterday that Christmas was here already! Suddenly I was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt - I had forgotten the true spirit of Christmas this year (no charities, no giving, no doing something special to help others).
I had wanted to organise some charity thing with the girls here but with all the excitement and rush of the Tans visit and my trip to Cairo, the month had flown by without me doing anything.
It also occured to me that I havent been to Church in a very very long time. So I thought I'd make an effort to drop by the Notre Damn Cathedral today.
Just as I was walking into Church, it started POURING! It was almost as if the heavens (with all its angels) are crying with happiness that the prodigal daughter has return!
A big group of tourists were inside and because only a part of the church was opened for people to come in to take pics, I stood at a little corner in front of St. Anthony's statue to say my prayers.
I reflected on all the things I have done ... and havent done...
I had forgotten that I am a child of God before I am Joanne Tan - a daughter, a wife, a friend. I am sorry that I have become so engrossed with the physical and material world that I have starved my soul completely. I am sorry for being a selfish human - always thinking about what I want, what I need - without puting others first. I am sorry for not having been a better person, a better daughter, sister, wife, friend and for taking the people around me for granted. I am sorry that I have not made the effort to come to Church sooner and for having forgotten my priorities, my prayers and my actions as a Catholic. I am sorry that by reading all the books that critique history & religion that I have lost my faith in exchange and have even questioned the truth about my beliefs.
(PS: While I still believe that we should not follow religions blindly, I hope to find my faith again. I do believe in God and I believe that we should all do Good in our thoughts and actions and spread Love and Happiness to everyone. Only by GIVING and SHARING and truly wanting others to be happy can we find peace in our hearts.)
I prayed for forgiveness and I prayed that I will keep God's goodness in my heart... that even if I do not go to Church regularly or shine as a Catholic ,that through my words and actions, I can help spread some goodness to people.
I prayed for peace, love, happiness and good health in a world that's scarred by diseases, disasters and materialism. I prayed for everyone - people I know and people whom I will never know in this lifetime - that all of us will find peace in our hearts despite the trials and tribulations that life brings us. I prayed that we will have faith to stand again everytime we fall, that we will see the light in our darkness, that we will know that we are never alone during times of despair and loneliness.
I pray that the world will become a better place... that the Spirit of God and His goodness (with regards to all religions) will bring warmth to our hearts this Christmas and for always.
25 mins later... after I have made my peace with God... the skies cleared and the sun shone brightly again.
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