Let the hormones do the talking

You probably think that my life is a box of chocolate judging from the way everyone thinks I’m living a Tai-Tai lifestyle and from all the glamorous, “happy” pictures I have been posting up.

The truth is, I spend ¾ of my time alone at home. I am surrounded by four walls all day and the only things keeping me sane are the friends who chat with me on MSN, my 2 dogs, the maid (on her chattier days), a good book… and of course, my work (as well as thinking of what to cook/eat for dinner). There are times when I don’t step out of the house for 3 consecutive days (and you wonder why I clamp up when I meet people and hate to socialize). Even if I go out during the day, I rely on my motorbike driver to take me around, wait for me while I run my errands and take me back home again. No socialising required.

Nobody knows how lonely I can get, or how I sometimes cry myself to sleep – I am in a foreign country on my own, my family and long time friends are all miles n miles away, my husband (who is my only family here) is almost NEVER around (considering that he is awake for only a couple of hours by the time he gets home – he has his dinner, spaces out in front of the TV and dozes right off). And when we do spend our evenings out, it usually ends off at Underground (his favorite bar) having a few drinks and playing pool with his friends while I “hang” out with the wives and girlfriends and wait to go home.

- which is why I always look forward to having friends/family visit and I try to plan a lot of girls nite out or girls gathering... which in turns make it look like I am living a tai-tai life. haha

No doubt, I have a very wonderful husband who loves me a lot and is sweet and very supportive towards me… the list is endless. And I know he can’t help the fact that he has to work very long hours and when he is not at work, there are sooo many things that he would like to do. As a wife, I should be understanding and supportive. The poor guy is already working so hard. So I let him go for his Monday Cardio exercises, Tuesday football trainings, Sunday football matches and his occasional jungle trekking trips (Wednesday and Friday are overtime days). I don’t stop him from doing the things he enjoys … although I do whine occasionally, on days such as these, when I am PMSing and I let the hormones take control.

The emotional days, like today, are one of the hardest… because I start feeling sorry for myself… why couldn’t I find someone in Singapore? Why couldn’t I find someone who has more time for me? Am I giving in sooo much that I let him take me granted?

I used to joke with him... to get a point across … he’s working so hard but he’s not sharing his finances with me so I’m not benefiting financially (That wasn't a nice thing to say, I know). And because he is always not around, he doesn’t satisfy me emotionally and physically (by this I mean, spending time, doing things, going on little trips together).

BUT I must add that I do like the fact that we are growing independently even though our lives are still intertwined together. I like that I have grown and matured a lot since I met him. I like that I am able to stand on my own, to learn about myself, to know what I like and dislike and to better myself each day. And I’m sure if I were in Singapore and I had my family, my friends, my own life, I wouldn’t be so miserable even when he’s busy all the time.

Of cos I don’t show my unhappy side to people (in fact, there are only a couple of really close people that I open up to). I do not like to share my sorrow or complain about life... because no one has a perfect life. Everyone has their own pain. There is no reason to add more sorrow in this world .And I try to keep my blog to happy thoughts and happy events.

Personally, I am one of those who prefer to count her blessings and be grateful for all the good things that are in my life and a part of me. Most days, I just stay strong, think happy thoughts and try to keep myself occupied. It is when you are idle that the devil works on you by putting nasty thoughts in your head.

So yes, as much as u may find it hard to believe, Glam Gen’s life is not all fairytale and glitters. And yes, while there are things/days/situations I can surely do without, I wouldn’t change my world for anything else.

PS: Just to clarify, I am NOT complaining about my husband, just the situation I am in... and it's only because I'm PMSING (Yes, I'm blaming the hormones!). My MIL once told me... "u must be really stupid to complain about your own husband because you are the one who married him. What will that say about you?" I've always kept that advice since.