Contradictions

Since I am in a "I hate the world" mood, I might as well vent it all out in one day.

My relationship with the maid hasn't been the same since she lost the dogs. I told my MIL recently, that I am someone who aims for perfection and hates anything flawed (Of cos I know I am not perfect). I may love something so much but as soon as there is a scratch, it becomes a sore eye and it has to go. Similarly, the maid has become a sore eye (every thing about her irritates me now) but because I need her around to take care of me and baby, and she's the best there is for now, I shall have to close an eye.

Maybe it's just a phase that Ray is going thru i.e. more clingy during teething. Or maybe it's just me having issues letting go. But I can't seem to be able to trust Ray with anyone! No one understands his moods or needs like I do (only because I spend the most time with him). He may be very tired but he'll smile n bounce away while u carry him so you'd think I am nuts when I tell you he needs to go to sleep.

I'm trying to set him on a routine. But when I hand him to the care of T, MIL or maid, instead of helping me, they just make the baby more tired that by the time they hand him back, he is already screaming n wailing and extremely cranky. They'd say "but the baby is not tired" or "he doesnt want to sleep" and yet in 2 mins that he is back in my arms, he would pass out from exhaustion.

Marina will be busy playing with the grandson. The maid, when Ray wakes every time I leave the room to eat, will offer to help but when I come back, the baby is wide awake and bouncing on her lap and when I asked why she din put the baby back to sleep, "but he doesnt want to sleep!" And T will concern himself with his own needs first, take his time to shit, shower, pass the baby to maid while he eats and then try to put the baby to sleep when he is ready to settle down to sleep himself.

And so it is a vicious cycle - I can't trust anyone with my baby. And now baby is dependent on me and I have only further dug my own grave.

PS: I dont want to hire a nanny, as much as all the mother friends here advise me. I don't want anyone else to raise my kid. But I would appreciate if T or the maid be on the same team as me. If I am going to discipline him to make him follow a routine, these people should not be sabotaging it.