Home-sick

Havent been updating my blog... been busy with the MIL in town (She left this morning) ... as well, I think I have been builing up to a nervous breakdown.

It's a combination of factors - Rayhan's teething, plus he caught a bit of a cold fr T; my frustration, inexperience and exhaustion as a first time mother; the lack of support from the husband who has been going out and will be out the next few nights because of a customer in town etc.

I must say Rayhan's an angel. The only teething woes that I get from him is a little fussing which includes waking up easily, not being able to sleep from the discomfort and clingy-ness. Also, he wouldn't drink or go to bed easily. Takes a lot of coaxing (& persistence). And would wail and scream when T, his mom or the maid attempts! Otherwise he is his usual smiley happy self and would wake up at 3am in the morning, start smiling and chattering away!

Of cos being new to this, it took me a few days (and sleepless nights) to realise they were teething issues... so I got frustrated with times when I wanted to smack the shit out of him, only for him to return me with a big smile.

I guess I have to blame myself for driving myself nuts. I don't socialise, I don't even step out of my room and just enclose myself with my son all day long. But I really cant leave him and I tried twice (once with T and once with the maid) only to come back after 2 hrs to a wailing baby who hasn't eaten or slept since the time that I've been gone! Neither Ray nor I enjoyed being away from each other although this is clearly not healthy for either of us.

PS: Over this past week, I thought how self-less and great my family is. Not to say his family isn't nice, they just work and think differently. For them, it's all about their convenience and "self" first.

His mom thinks I'm playing games and should appreciate that I have a great husband and have more than what most wives dont have - I dont have to work and I get to stay home with my baby all day. His stepdad forced T to take his brother out to drinks even though we finished dinner at midnight and I was made to go home alone - cranky tired baby, stroller and all (Plus maid was already asleep so I had to juggle everything and try to open the gate n door at the same time!). And between the 2 of them, plus my FIL, they all think T should just buy the air tkt, throw me on the plane to Cairo alone for 10 hrs and let me deal with things on my own.

Maybe my family spoilt me or made me less independent but they have always been the sort that would drop everything to lend support - even the extended family & relatives. It's about together-ness.

And being all sobby lately, I just miss home so much - the support that I will have, the people who genuinely care. I'm just waiting for Ray's resident card to be ready to get on the next flight back home. Initially, it's becos Mum was going to do a surgery on the 22nd, combined with Dad's birthday on the 19th and a baby fair - on top of T going to the jungle that weekend. Mum's surgery has now been postponed but I'd give anything to be HOME right now.