Taking a Leap

Just recently, I got into a slight depression. I did not know what I was doing with my life, where I was headed and I just felt so useless, unaccomplished and depressed.

I mean, I know where my interests lie but I just dont seem to be doing anything about it - mainly because I am lazy (I dont deny it) and also because I did not have the confidence to achieve it on my own.

You know, there are people who stick to society's norms (working for the sake of livelihood, living each day as it comes, counting down to the next pay check), there's the priviledge group that has everything given to them on a silver platter and there's the extreme group of people who fight for their dreams (go beyond their own expectations n living life to the fullest). And I'm one of those who dream but somehow sit around waiting for something to happen. To put it bluntly, I'm nothing but a dreamer - afraid to take the leap, apprehensive of wat is to come, with my fear of failure overcoming any ability to push forward!

Of cos I should hv known that all along... but to finally admit it... It was like a sad sad revelation.

Just recently, I picked up a book called "What do I do when I want to Everything - A Leading Life Coach's Guide to creating a life you'll love" by Barbara Sher.

"I always hoped something would reach out and grab me and say, 'Here I am!' But it never did. I wish someone would tell me exactly what it is that I'm supposed to be doing with my life!"

She describes a group of people she defines as "Scanners" and assures that there is nothing wrong about being a scanner (as much as society frowns upon their inability to stick to anything). Scanners have so many interests that they end up doing nothing at all because they dont know which to pursue.

As I read on, I suddenly felt inspired, motivated. I realised I can pursue my interests in my own ways. It does not necessarily hv to be a career or business - it can be little pasttimes, my own ways of piecing things together and finally having something to prove (to myself).

Ok... so I still dont have the means to travel around the world, try sky diving, go to Disney Land (yet). I cant become an events planner or wedding planner overnight. And I still haven't been able to push myself to get out there and take up photography, salsa dancing, pole dancing, belly dancing, do volunteer works etc.
BUT I can start off small by pursuing one of my biggest interests - Reading and Learning and how can I forget, Writing.

I can spend time each day to research on the topics that interests me (Religion, History - Vietnam War, Chinese Dynasties, Kings/Queens of England) and then write about it! And the best place to "publish" them is on my BLOG.

I mean people can choose or choose not to read them... but at least, I'm on the way to making things happen for me!