*on top of that, I have hemorrhoids which were further aggravated during the pushing process. Sitting or lying was Ouch!
I was really weak after the birth… I blacked out twice in the morning when I tried to get out of bed. The midwife had come to take Rayhan for his first shower and I wanted to be there. T had gone down to the cafeteria and I had smsed him to come back. I tried to follow the midwife but din get beyond the door before I had to be carried back to bed by 2 nurses.
Then there was the struggle with breastfeeding, getting Rayhan to latch onto my boobies, getting used to the sucking pains (ouch), worrying if he’s drinking enough, if my body is producing enough milk and finally when the milk came, dealing with the horrible swelling pain of engorgement (almost like my boobs were going to explode).
Of cos one would think the misery ends when the milk came in and Rayhan was sucking nicely… it was only the start of the nightmare… well, technically, one can’t get nightmares if one doesn’t get to sleep right? I have to feed him every 2 – 3 hrs… not counting the fact that he can latch on for half an hour to one hour at times.
For someone who had strong principles about the whole motherhood thingy – natural birth, breastfeeding for 6 months min, no formula, no pacifier, no bottle etc., I have guilty succumbed to every temptation. Rayhan fussed the first 2 nights that we got back such that we barely got any sleep at all. With the lack of rest, I was getting frustrated, emotional and body wasn’t producing enough milk. So came the expressing of breast milk and the occasional feed of formula (one feeding in every couple of days) and the pacifier at night.
Rayhan had slight jaundice and had to be taken to the hospital for follow up on alternate days. Dad and Mum and Grandma would come along to help and to keep me company. In the mornings, Mum and I would take him out in the sun for a little bit and while I showered the baby every morning, Mum would stand by my side – I wanted to do everything myself but needed someone to be there to lend support, just in case.
I must say I haven’t been practicing my confinement very well – most of the time, I am just too active and hands on… I feed, clean, shower baby on my own, go up and down the stairs with baby for meals, run around for doctor check ups… and have been taking at least 3 showers a week! SO HOT la!
Through it all, I am very grateful to have my family around me. T went back to work after the 2nd day. Most of the time, I would hide in the room with Rayhan but it was nice having the support of family. Grandma taught the maid to cook confinement dishes. Mum provided the support and turned out to be a great help. Just having her around made me feel stronger (I never thought I would say this!). Dad stocked up my house and fridge with enough supplies to last a month! Yen Kor bought toiletries and household stuff during the weekend she was here. Mother in law was here every day during her 1 wk in Vn to see Rayhan and cooked dinner for us on 3 evenings (and stocked up the fridge with pasta sauce, risotto, lemon chicken).
I was beginning to get the blues a little, especially towards the end of the week when everyone, including Marina was leaving. Finally, Mum decided to stay on another week to keep me company (pressured by the rest of the family who worried I wouldn’t be able to handle the sudden quiet and having to cope alone).
Hopefully I’ll get the hang of Motherhood soon. Wish me luck! It’s certainly not easy and I salute all mothers, especially those who go for more babies after knowing what they are getting themselves into!
PS: I have lost most of my pregnancy weight! From 50kg to 40kg… I only have 2 kg left to pre-pregnancy weight although 40kg is good enough for me! Just need a firmer, flatter stomach before I am good to go!
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