Labor Pains

Rayhan turns 2 weeks old today!

I can’t believe how quickly time flies … although I also can’t remember the last time I slept 3 hrs straight.

Motherhood is a challenge… I certainly did not know what I was signing up for! All that sleepless nights, constant feedings, sore and swollen boobs, bleeding nipples … are nothing like I expected at all!

Let’s start from the beginning.

Labor Pains
T and I went into the hospital on Tuesday morning. I was belted to this machine that monitored the baby’s heartbeats as well as my contractions. Apparently I was contracting a lot – at least 5 times every 10 min. All I felt was slight menstrual cramp-like pains and I thought this was it. “See, I told you I have a high threshold of pain,” I proudly boasted to T.

At 6pm, the real pains started coming in…. ooucccchhh…. My gynae was on his way to the hospital but he told the anesthetist to administer the epidural for me. I was transferred to the delivery ward and was told that I had dilated 4cm (it took almost the whole afternoon to get fr 2cm to 4cm!) and was told to expect baby around 1am (after midnight). Apparently you dilate about 1cm per hour after u hit 4cm.

It took 3 attempts to get the epidural needle into my spine! WTF! Imagine how freaked out I was… PLEASE DON’T PARALYSE ME! The nurse held me still and I grabbed her for comfort, letting little cries of fear… “please hold me, I’m scared.” T had to wait outside during the process.

Even after the 3rd try, the epidural was still not administered successfully. Needle had gone in but apparently my spine is not straight so they couldn’t get it in properly. As a result, I wouldn’t be able to feel the full effects of the drugs… only 1 side of my spine could be numbed, the other side felt the pains completely... n there was nothing I can do but to endure!

By 7pm, I was screaming, yelling and crying in pain…. “please make it go away”.. . “I don’t want to do this anymore” … “help me please”… “where’s my doctor”. I practically yelled the whole hospital down as the contractions started coming in EVERY MINUTE! At 1 point, I thought I was going to die… How am I supposed to survive this past midnight?

T looked on helplessly but was there for support, letting me sink my nails into his hands every time a contration came in and yelling at him to stop telling me to breathe – T: “Come on babe, u got to breathe. Breathe with me… in… out…. In… out” … Me: “Stop breathing on me!” … “Stop fucking telling me to breathe!”

Dr Riche finally came back at 8pm ... by then I had dilated to 9cm! I kept screaming (as if possessed) in pain and he was going to administer more drugs on me… until I said, “I feel like pushing… can I push?” (Someone had told me before to only push when you are told… and not to start pushing prematurely). That’s when everyone started going into alarm “The baby’s coming!” All preps came in full force – equipment was laid out, my legs were lifted up, I was told to push really hard, with the midwife pressing on my belly to get the baby to move down quicker.

At some point, I remember the gynae showing T the crowning of the baby’s head. The rest of the time, I was just concern about shitting “I feel like shitting”, “I’m sure I’m shitting”, “I KNOW I’m doing a kaka”. T says: “the only shit that’s coming out of you is from your mouth”. Both the doctor and T were trying so hard to assure me that I wasn’t doing a shit… that it’s normal… the baby is pressing down on the rectum. But I know I did do a couple of tiny poop and only after the birth did T say, it’s like rabbit pellet... nothing to be concerned about.

At 21:01 I delivered the baby (after 3 hrs of painful labor)... I was screaming, pushing, told that baby is here…. Then I felt this funny slippery feeling and next thing I know, baby is wrapped up and in my arms. He peed as soon as he was given to me… ON ME!



I had always imagined myself crying when I hold my own baby. Instead, my first thought was, "eew... he's so blue and gooey... he's not very cute, is he?" (Of cos that has since changed... everyday I surprise myself with how much more love my heart can feel). While I was in the waiting room (before I moved into delivery room), I got emotional everytime I heard someone else's baby cry. T commented that it was like in Friends when Rachel was waiting for her turn and everyone else had given birth before her. There were at least 5 births on the same day!

T was overwhelmed… like he just witnessed something so spectacular. I had the gynae let T cut the baby’s umbilical cord.

He stayed with me until I told him to follow the midwives to check on the baby as they weighed and tested him. I was left in the room with the gynae while he waited for the placenta to be delivered … geesh… I hadn’t realized it would be sooo big! It was like another baby! Eew.

Then he proceeded to sew me up…. Yes… I hadn’t even realized he had performed an episiotomy on me! T saw it… Apparently, Riche had said, “I’m going to help you make it easy”, took out a scissors and snapped! I’m glad he din tell me though, I would hv FAINTED. I even had the energy to joke with him while he was sewing me with those thick threads (argh), “So, am I a virgin again now?” Come to think of it, I shouldn’t have… what if my remark made him sew me tighter? Will it be awful if I attempt to have sex again? For the record, I cringe at the thought of letting anything near my vaginal again – nothing in or out for a longgggg time!

T came back with the baby and put him in my arms. “Halo Little Rayhan”. I had given birth to a 3.8kg baby!



Wow! T was like, “how did something so big come out of something so tiny?” Riche was surprised too and he told me at my follow up check up that he wouldn’t have believed it himself and would have thought I would need a c-section. “You were great! Good job!”

In the 2 hrs that we were waiting in the delivery room after labor (while I recuperated and was monitored), we took some pictures and called/smsed family and close friends.



It was an unbelievable and super traumatic experience. No doubt that it was worth it and I am sure the pains will soon be forgotten… but I think the trauma will stay with me for a while… and it is enough to make me think twice about ever having babies again. Throughout the labour, I was just going on about “No more babies for me! I must be crazy to want to go through this again!”